Sonder

Have you ever caught a glimpse of someone in passing—a stranger on the street, a driver in the next lane, a person sitting alone in a café—and suddenly wondered what their life might be like?

That moment of curiosity, that flicker of awareness that the lives of others are as rich, complex, and real as your own, has a name: sonder.

Coined by writer John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, sonder is the profound realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and intricate as yours—with their own thoughts, routines, heartbreaks, triumphs, and quiet moments of meaning. It’s humbling, isn’t it? It is something else too. Perhaps surprisingly, it’s also healing.

Many people I work with as a therapist speak of loneliness, of feeling invisible or disconnected in a world that moves quickly and communicates often, but sometimes meaninglessly. Sonder invites us to pause and reconsider that disconnection. What if the people around us aren’t as far away as they seem? What if, even without speaking, we’re all quietly woven into the same human experience?

When we embrace sonder, we soften. We grow more patient. We stop assuming we’re alone in our struggles. And we start to sense a kind of unspoken solidarity—a shared, invisible thread linking us all.

So how can you bring sonder into your daily life?

• Practice noticing. Next time you’re at the grocery store or waiting in traffic, take a moment to imagine the inner world of someone nearby. Not to judge or analyze—just to remember they have one.
• Shift your assumptions. When someone cuts you off or seems distant, consider what might be going on beneath the surface. Maybe they’re having a rough day. Maybe they’re doing the best they can.
• Let it comfort you. In moments of loneliness, remind yourself: somewhere, right now, someone else feels the same way. You are not as alone as it feels.

Connection doesn’t always begin with conversation. Sometimes, it begins with perspective.

If you’re seeking more connection, more meaning, or a space to explore the richness of your inner world, therapy can be a powerful place to start. I'm here when you're ready.